Joaquin Phoenix eating Jerky while he's nominated ↘
(Source: chadmaupin)
Long day.
Went to training this morning at 8:30. It was all body weight circuit cardio stuff. Manageable but still very difficult. I was dripping in sweat. I did 20 push ups in 20 seconds 5 times so that was pretty cool. My arms are killing me now. Ate pretty well. One egg, protein shake, two clementines for breakfast. California, no bread no sauce for lunch. Meatloaf, salad and (I know, I know) mashed potatoes for dinner. Now enjoying a mix of water, fresh lemon juice and stevia. Pretty good and makes me feel like I’m getting something other than water.
That’s all for now.
C
This is scary and hard for me because I’m not where I want to be. But this is a month apart, just exercising and eating okay, not great. It was Christmas break haha
Hard day.
So lately I’ve been feeling like I should be further along in my weight loss/toning up journey. I started working out in September. 3 days a week with my trainer. Mixtures of body weight exercises, cardio, lifting, etc. In January We bumped it up to 4 days a week and now we are doing five days a week. MWF circuit days, TR arms and legs. I guess that I thought I would be much thinner by now and I’m just feeling really down. If I’m realistic with myself, I started to eat healthier when began working out, but I was still cheating wayyyyy too much. Now I’ve truly been trying to eat really clean and to eat less. It’s the hardest part for me. I love bread and pasta and pizza and all carbs pretty much but I’m starting to realize that my body just can’t handle that much of any of that. I’m doing pretty well with no sugar, I don’t drink soft drinks at all anymore and I’ve gotten my water intake up a lot.
I have a hard time with food too because my boyfriend is naturally tall and thin and toned and he can eat whatever he wants. I’m getting better about my willpower to not eat whatever he’s eating but it’s still so hard. Mentally I make food such a big deal. I shouldn’t. It’s just food.
I’ve seen a big change in my strength and endurance. When we first started, I could barely get through body weight cardio. Which is pitiful because I’m a dancer. But for some reason getting through a 3 minute long dance piece is very different than the workouts I am now doing. I can run without completely dying now, which for me is a huge accomplishment because I have always been a fast sprinter but horrible at long distance.
I have a dress that I want to fit into for Tucker’s graduation in April that is currently much too tight. I think I need to lose about five pounds to be where I want to be in it. That’s the other problem. I have only lost three pounds since working out, but I’ve lost 10% body fat!!! How is that even possible?!?! I know that muscle weighs more than fat and I have big muscles, I always have, it’s just the way I’m built. I guess I’m just starting to question if I will ever look the way I want to look. It makes me cry just thinking about it. All I want is to be thin. I’ve spent my whole life hating my body. I’m so tired of it. It’s the first thing I think about when I wake up and the last thing before I go to sleep. I know I have really bad body dysmorphia from years of dancing, but I can’t help it.
I can only hope that my new eating habits and intensified workout regimen will get me to where I want to be. No cheating. I’m going to try to post more often about my progress, not because anyone else cares, but because it will force me to be honest about my actions and goals. I’ll post pictures too, which is terrifying.
Sorry for the long post, had to get all this out.
C
